... and of course my all-too-often-over-analytical-brain decided to write a quick post about what i foresee to be a potentially bigger "philosophical" issue behind this mostly light-hearted list...
I took one women's studies class as an undergrad (stop laughing!), entitled "Women & Politics." We covered the political implications, the history, and the many different elements of modern feminism. As tempting as it would be to spend lots of time blogging about THAT class... i think what i took away the most was essentially one question: What about the men?
Now i realize that there have been plenty of jokes about having "men's studies classes"... but in all seriousness - i do believe that perhaps one of the most overlooked consequences or side effects of the incredible progress of the women's rights movement has been an ever expanding identity crisis for men. Its interesting to watch just how incredibly different the perception of what men should be, and what it means to be "a man" have changed over the last three to four generations (Baby Boomers to GenX to Generation Y). Before i go any further, i want to clarify that i am not at all suggesting that the women's rights movement of the 20th century wasn't on the whole long overdue, and incredibly necessary; on the contrary, the secondary status that women had in American society and the strict gender roles that were assigned to them are inexcusable. What I am getting at is as society has moved on past these old roles for women, the natural consequence is that we've also had to move on past the old roles for men as well... and i honestly believe that has left a very significant vacuum in the male search for identity and understanding what it means to "be a man."
I see firsthand - from my own father to others his age, to my coworkers, to my peers, to the kids who are growing up with my little siblings -- that so many of us guys no longer no "how to act." We have a society that on the one hand is constantly telling guys that they need to tone down their testosterone, to be gentler, more mild...and at the very same time is criticizing men for not taking charge, not stepping up to take on more responsibilities, for not being aggressive when it counts. i come from a generation that was raised to understand that women were more than sex objects, more than superficial beauty and appearances - and yet i feel that this same generation, perhaps more than any of our predecessors, is constantly bombarded and obsessed with image, unrealistic standards of "beauty", and unabashed sexual objectification in every advertisement, every pop song, every billboard. To say that guys today are sent mixed messages is clearly an understatement.
So getting back to the list... i like the concept. The idea that there are certain accomplishments, certain traits or qualities to be attained or developed that will truly enhance me not only as an individual but as a man. And the fact that i can take similar ideas and pass them along to the young men that i will influence - be it my siblings, or future children, or any young person i have the privilege of interacting with. I think i take this especially to heart as a young black man. Now those of you who know me even just decently well know that i am never one to 'play the race card.' But i think the facts are undeniable -- no other group is suffering more directly and more obviously from a lack of positive, strong male influence than African-Americans. Single-parent homes, with either a mom or grandmother struggling to make ends meet, are far too common. The replacement of positive male role models with either rap stars or gang members is far too tragic. Young black males need more than "lists" from Esquire -- but i think the underlying principle behind such lists represents a good start. Those of us men who have been blessed with better opportunities should be doing everything in our power to actively pass along a new set of standards, a new set of goals to a lost generation. A set of standards that acknowledges the incredible progress of the past century by honoring and respecting women as equals in the classroom, the playground, the workplace, and the home. But also a set of standards that pushes us as men to value such traits as integrity, loyalty, courage, and responsibility.
anyways.... time to climb off the soapbox....
